1) COMPLAINING CONSTRUCTIVELY

~ Grumbling about each other is a given in a marriage, but it's all about how it's done. If you lock it all up and suufer in silence, allowing it to snowball only to end up with an eruption of volcanic proportions, your spouse is bound to feel personally attacked on a deeper level. So, instead of saving up your resentment for a rainy day, deal with problems immediately by using clear and specific language. Keep calm and describe the problem as you see it, but avoid sweeping statements. And never lose that feeling of being connected even in moments of anger.



2) SHARE YOUR CONCERNS

~ Never dismiss big issues that are uncomfortable to talk about. When you are being secretive about how you feel, you lose being connected. So set aside time to discuss the problem and lay some ground rules, such as when one is talking, the other must listen without interrupting. Ask each other questions to understand each other's position. Even if this brings conflicts to the surface, it is necessary to smooth things out in the long run.



3) BE A LITTLE SELFISH

~ When a major crisis arises in the family, you will be forced to find inner strength to put up with the additional stress. But often times, we continue giving 110 per cent of ourselves even after the crisis has long passed. This will surely leave you feeling more and more resentful because no one seems to understand you and "play fair". Women are famous for giving continuosly and putting with an "unjust world", leading to them feeling imprisoned. So be a little selfish and learn to be comfortable saying "no" every now and then.

4) SUPPORT EACH OTHER
~Many adults face major depression at some point in their lives, and you could be married to one who is suffering from depression. It could be temporary depression or an unrelenting, chronic gloominess. Either way, you may read your spouse's frustrations as an attack on you. Instead of feeling resentment, listen compassionately and lend support. It's best not to play counsellor and give 'professional' advice on how to 'get over it'. In fact, research shows this is the absolute worst thing you can do as your glum spouse might become angry and critical of you.

5) APPRECIATE THE DIFFERENCES
~ You and your spouse may be as different as night and day. It may seem cute at first, but not after years of marriage, at which point you might attempt ways to change your spouse to be more like you. Except that never works. Studies have shown that happy couples openly discuss their problem points, which makes them more manageable. Therefore, instead of trying to solve the problem, experts say you need to create dialogue. Accepting that the problem may never go away is half the battle won.